The search….

In Adoption on May 25, 2011 by Carolyn

I’m not sure why I decided to start searching for my birth mother.  When I was a little girl I always wanted to find her. I would often fantasize about who she was when I was a small child.  I had always known I was adopted.  My mother and father had always told me I was adopted from the day they brought me home at four or five days old.  They would rock me to sleep and tell me the story of “me”.  As I grew older, I had no desire really to met her.  Actually, I’m not sure if I had no desire to meet her or if I was influenced by my mother.  My birth mother was sixteen when she had me.  My mother would often tell me that she thought that this young girl had probably gone on and tried to rebuild her life after placing me.  My mother always reassured me that I was placed out of love for me and wanting me to have a better life than what my young birthmother could give me.  My mom would say that since she had been so young, and what the times were like back then (I was born in the mid sixties) that she had probably married, had children of her own and may not have told anyone about me.  I felt like I had no right to search for her after all she had given to me.  I had the world’s best parents after all, why rock the boat?  Why ask for more?  But I always had a nagging desire to know did I look like anyone?  What was my background?  Were there any health issues?  Had anyone ever wondered about me?  When I had my last child I felt a deep need to find my birthmother, I was 38 at the time and decided, let’s start the search.


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